Learning French badly

I started learning French quite a few years ago. My enthusiasm for the language is at fever pitch and on 'constant' - so tell me, why am I not fluent already? Zut alors!!

I started learning French in my early thirties, and I remember the first cautious experiments with Rosetta Stone, the utter joy of Memrise with its cool graphics, the cheeky voice of of Alexa Polidoro on CD, and listening to the incredible Paul Noble in the car on my way to work. 

Skip to now...
I'm 47 and I have a library of French vocab books, a stack of French comics and French children's books, and notebooks filled with phrases, verbs and rude words. I listen to French radio, I don't press 'translate' on social media posts in French, and I have five berets*, eat Confit de Canard at Cafe Rouge, drink red wine at lunch (all the time) and buy French shoes. So by now surely I'll be fluent. But I'm not. WHY GOD WHY?

Around this time last year I started with Duolingo, which is like the excellent Memrise, but I find it more phrase-based rather than just word-based^. I instantly became addicted. As I said, I love learning French. 

Duolingo has some quirky features which keep you hooked. 

You get cool 'lingots' for maintaining a streak of days' learning, and you can use these to buy 'steak freezes' over the weekend when you're too busy to learn French (I'm never too busy). You also get put into week-long leagues to compete with fellow Duolingoers! There's fun graphics, it's very inclusive and you can even chat to people who give you amazing tips on the language. It is fun, and my French has certainly improved. 

But there are side effects! 

One unexpected side effect was being taken aside by my Girlie's school teacher one afternoon. "She's was a little upset today, she thinks you might be moving to France as you've been speaking French all the time,". That was a long conversation when I got home. French speaking was banned in the house! I learnt my lesson. 

I started dreaming in French, forgot English words, mumbled in French on my walks, wrote journal entries in French and stop reading sub-titles on French films (disaster as French speakers are so fast). I was obsessed. It was fun. I was still not fluent.

I also found some great phrases which when I return to France I will be dropping into conversations with strangers...

This illustrates the other kind of behaviour that happens when you love Duolingo...

So why am I not fluent? Here's why

To learn a language you have to be speaking it out loud, everyday, as well as interacting with French speakers. It's as simple as that. Listening, speaking, understanding... it's interactive. I tried to get Mr V to learn with me so we could have conversations but he's not interested (plus, he always reminds me of a trip to Paris when I was too shy to speak to people and he had to do all the talking). 

I think if I lived in France for a while I'd most certainly become fluent quite quickly, but I'm not (I've promised Girlie). I am thinking of enrolling in a 'conversational French' course (when it is finally possible) which I think would make me so much more confident and competent. Plus, I can imagine there would be some colourful characters to write about!

So that's it. I will continue on Duolingo, shout greetings to sheep in French on my walks, swear in French, get lost during French films and eat croissants with red wine... but I know I won't suddenly become fluent. 

As a consolation prize I remember an overheard conversation Mr V once had with Girlie during the time of she's-speaking-French-all-the-time-dear-god-make-her-stop. 

Girlie: Does 'oui' mean 'yes' in French? 

Mr V: Yes it does. sounds like wee. 

Girlie: So what's 'no' in French Daddy?

Mr V: Poo!

If you think 'poo' should be the word for 'no' in French, let me know XXXX

*I could not resist this stereotype, sorry, but it's true I do have five berets. ^My experience with Memrise should not be trusted, as it was years ago when I used it, and it may have changed. It is bloody excellent, that's all I really know.