Five imaginary events...

A beer festival, vintage fair, camping party, record fair, an open-air cinema and neighbours placated with Ealing Comedies... five posters for events I wish could happen at my house.

Normal life is slowly returning, but I was daydreaming on my walk today about the kind of events I've missed during lock-down. I am looking forward to going to events, but can't they just all happen at my house so I don't have to go out ever again?

All I'm asking for is an incredible good quality vintage fair with hundreds of stalls in my garden, selling the most beautiful dresses, shoes and jewellery. How hard is that! I miss rummaging through racks of clothes and I've even dreamt about vintage fairs during lock-down, only to wake up disappointed that I haven't got bags of fabulous couture. I even miss the smell! Westgate Hall in Canterbury has a great vintage fair, which I hope starts up again soon. I mean, shit man, I miss the smell!!!!

I love camping! I love camping with all my heart. It is one of the few things I do that completely relaxes me and, controversially, I get the best nights' sleep ever (that could be the huge amount of booze and fresh air but...). I recently heard about the YesBus and how the founder, Dave Cornthwaite, decided to offer an open invite to his social media followers to come camping with him. The story goes that 19 strangers turned up at first, but these open-invite camping trips have steadily become incredibly popular. What a great idea, that embraces the true spirit of camping. I want a camping festival in my back garden! I'll invite the neighbours too, and provide the hot water bottles. 

This is a total daydream. My very own beer festival with hundreds of new beers to try with friends. Ahhh!! Kent has some great beer festivals and I can't wait, but if I had one in the back garden I wouldn't have to be so embarrassing on the ride home! I once went to a beer festival in Belgium and drank so much strawberry beer everything that came out of me was pink for days, and I can't remember half of it or how I got back to the hotel... that's what I want! That's what I'm talking about!

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I love rummaging. I'm a champion rummager (that's on my CV). And one of the things I like to do is look through stacks of records. I like the finger play of sweeping through the decks of vinyl. That's why I want hundreds of record sellers in my garden, with the chance to swap old vinyl classics, enjoy a barbecue, drink beer and listen to live music. I am feeling sorry for my neighbours now. I mean all these events and some of them furloughed, there's gonna be hell to pay! 

So by now the neighbours are up in arms, so I've knocked down a wall of the house (much to next-door's threats of violence), and built an open-air cinema. It's calmed them all down and we're friends again because what's on the first night's showing? Ealing Comedies! Who doesn't love an Ealing Comedy night? Oooh I wish!!

If you have any daydreams of what events you want in your back garden please tell me, so I know I'm not going lock-down crazy XXXXX