Friday, 29 April 2016

Starting a new chapter

Starting primary school and being the youngest in the class... starting full-time work again and not being a stay-at-home-mum anymore... It's going to be the start of a new chapter for me and Girlie.

This week I took Girlie on the first of many transition sessions at her soon-to-be primary school. She met her teacher and her new class mates, while me and all the other parents were whisked away to chat in the library. When I collected Girlie at the end of the session, her lip was trembling and she hugged me tightly and cried into my shoulder. My heart ached for her because I knew exactly how she felt. Starting primary school is a big thing, especially when you're almost a year younger than some of your class mates, and all you want is to play outside and live in your imagination. It was the structured snack time which upset her. "I wasn't hungry, but they wanted me to eat a green apple" she sobbed, "I only like red apples and I wanted the teacher to like me. I don't want to go there any more mummy". I knew exactly how she felt. Things in her little life are about to change and it's daunting.

Soon I'm going to be starting work again - Monday to Friday instead of the odd days I've got used to. I've managed to negotiate good hours which fit around Girlie but it's going to mean a lot of change. Just like Girlie, I feel apprehensive.

This week my hours have been ramped up a bit, ready for the full-time transition. I'd been into the office for three alternate days, and on Wednesday I was tired out because Girlie had kept me awake most of the night. I'm a copywriter, so writing when you're tired is not ideal, and my dusty brain cells were fast asleep and refusing to power up. It was a struggle and close to the end of the day I found myself getting irritated by the clunky computer I was working on. "Oh bloody hell", I was thinking, "I can't get on with this stupid f'ing computer, I want my computer from home". 
I was experiencing the red apple, green apple scenario just like Girlie.

Recognising it as just that, I began to think about my own transition. I'm not going to be a 'stay at home mum' anymore... it's the 'end of an era', the 'start of a new chapter', a 'fresh new beginning'.... insert your own cliche here. And it's going to sting a bit.

Me and Girlie were a little team. We planned our days based on how we felt and what the weather was doing. We explored all sorts of new places, had adventures and minor disasters, ate far too much ice cream, embarrassed ourselves in playgrounds, caused mischief in garden centres, and soft-played our way around East Kent. We had fun and lots of it - everyday.

Now with school and full-time work looming over us, it's difficult not to think that seven days of fun a week will be reduced to only two! 
But that's not actually true, of course.

Girlie will be enjoying herself learning new things and meeting new friends, and so will I (I suppose). It's just a bit daunting, and small things, like green apples instead of red ones and clunky computers, are going to illuminate our pesky anxieties. So in September Girlie will begin her little adventure, while I start mine in a few weeks. I know everything will work out and we'll be into the swing of things in no time, but I hope we still have plenty of days to cause mischief in garden centers, embarrass ourselves in playgrounds, eat too much ice cream and have adventures and disasters together. 

Thanks for reading! xxx


  1. It seems such a shame that now we all live so much longer our little ones get so much less childhood but I'm sure that you'll both find ways to make weekends & holidays exciting.
    Lots of luck to you both.

    1. Thank you so much Lucy. It does feel like it's gone so quickly. Yesterday she was born and today she'll be starting school!! I'm going to make the most of the holidays, afternoons and weekends. There's so much mischief left to do!


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